its chilly outside
the clouds have filled the sky
and i am stuck inside listening to ridiculous banter
i want to put on my yellow rain boots
and hop in the puddles
come back inside to grilled cheese and soup
i cant help but reflect and remember
days like this when i was a kid
i hope you're having a lovely day
Showing posts with label ponder. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ponder. Show all posts
Monday, December 7, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
passion
Passion can be defined in a number of ways and rather than copy and paste the definition to take up space (and look like I actually wrote something) I'll give you my 2 cents.
Passion is what makes you tick.
Passion is the reason you get out of bed in the morning.
Passion is why you get excited to get your day started.
When we were younger we wanted to be firefighters, superheros, or Cindy Crawford (don't judge me) and at some point we stopped. We continued with school and learned that we have a slim chance of becoming the next Micheal Jordan and settled for being an accountant.
Why? At what point did we say, that's not going to happen I better figure something else out?
For me, I realized that I am not tiny, super tall, and have no desire to hit the gym everyday to look flawless.
I love what I do, but is that settling or compromising?
I don't think so...BUT I feel like there is so much more I want to do with my life.
Counseling is my passion.
It's what makes me drive an hour in traffic to an internship site I hate going to.
My clients progress is what makes me get out of bed everyday.
So why am I doubting myself?
I graduate in may 2010 with my MC degree and should be looking for jobs and getting ready to move on with my life. But something is missing, there's an itch i need to scratch.
I come from a family of entrepreneurs and I'm finding more and more that I have this strong desire to follow in their footsteps and create a business of my own. My last post mentioned my idea of WINKS and while I'm not ready to discuss it on here now it's on my mind all day everyday. What kind lighting do I want? Where should i set up shop? etc, etc, etc.
so....what do i do? where do i go? when do i start?
I'm still sorting this all out, I'll be writing everyday to figure it out.
Thanks for reading,
c
Passion is what makes you tick.
Passion is the reason you get out of bed in the morning.
Passion is why you get excited to get your day started.
When we were younger we wanted to be firefighters, superheros, or Cindy Crawford (don't judge me) and at some point we stopped. We continued with school and learned that we have a slim chance of becoming the next Micheal Jordan and settled for being an accountant.
Why? At what point did we say, that's not going to happen I better figure something else out?
For me, I realized that I am not tiny, super tall, and have no desire to hit the gym everyday to look flawless.
I love what I do, but is that settling or compromising?
I don't think so...BUT I feel like there is so much more I want to do with my life.
Counseling is my passion.
It's what makes me drive an hour in traffic to an internship site I hate going to.
My clients progress is what makes me get out of bed everyday.
So why am I doubting myself?
I graduate in may 2010 with my MC degree and should be looking for jobs and getting ready to move on with my life. But something is missing, there's an itch i need to scratch.
I come from a family of entrepreneurs and I'm finding more and more that I have this strong desire to follow in their footsteps and create a business of my own. My last post mentioned my idea of WINKS and while I'm not ready to discuss it on here now it's on my mind all day everyday. What kind lighting do I want? Where should i set up shop? etc, etc, etc.
so....what do i do? where do i go? when do i start?
I'm still sorting this all out, I'll be writing everyday to figure it out.
Thanks for reading,
c
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
blur
"Does life get better after a certain point or does it all just blur together? - me
"I like to believe that there are quite a few periods of pure bliss, which is why everything else seems scarcely bearable. - friend
why does life either move so fast that we're too happy and excited to notice anything bad? or life is just at a terrible stand still that everything just blends into a gray
we look forward to these good times, these goals, but what are they? the light at the end of the tunnel? what part is the light and which part is the tunnel? shouldn't life just be one bright light instead of a tunnel?
I have too many questions and no answers.
c
"I like to believe that there are quite a few periods of pure bliss, which is why everything else seems scarcely bearable. - friend
why does life either move so fast that we're too happy and excited to notice anything bad? or life is just at a terrible stand still that everything just blends into a gray
we look forward to these good times, these goals, but what are they? the light at the end of the tunnel? what part is the light and which part is the tunnel? shouldn't life just be one bright light instead of a tunnel?
I have too many questions and no answers.
c
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
cheerios and beer
I have had a terribly long day but I just wanted to write a quick thought I had earlier this afternoon
be good to those who are good to you
last week I forgot my wallet to pay for parking at the church by ASU and the very nice man said not to worry about it. Now I dont know this man, but he seems to be very sweet and his job is awful. He stays out in the heat (in Phoenix it's re-damn-diculous) and takes money from people and helps them park. So he found it in his heart to let his job go and let me park for free that day. So today I saw that we have a heat warning and grabbed an extra water bottle on my way out the door. Wallet and bottle in hand I gave him my 5 bucks and a water and told him to be careful in this heat.
Now I didn't write this to say "look at me look at me I'm so nice" it's just a little reminder to tip well, be nice to others, and remember to always repay those who showed you kindness. I hope you had a fabulous taco tuesday, I know i did
xo
c
that title will only make sense to two other people but i'm leaving it.
be good to those who are good to you
last week I forgot my wallet to pay for parking at the church by ASU and the very nice man said not to worry about it. Now I dont know this man, but he seems to be very sweet and his job is awful. He stays out in the heat (in Phoenix it's re-damn-diculous) and takes money from people and helps them park. So he found it in his heart to let his job go and let me park for free that day. So today I saw that we have a heat warning and grabbed an extra water bottle on my way out the door. Wallet and bottle in hand I gave him my 5 bucks and a water and told him to be careful in this heat.
Now I didn't write this to say "look at me look at me I'm so nice" it's just a little reminder to tip well, be nice to others, and remember to always repay those who showed you kindness. I hope you had a fabulous taco tuesday, I know i did
xo
c
that title will only make sense to two other people but i'm leaving it.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
sweets
mmmm my weakness, well one of my weaknesses, is sweets.
I love cupcakes, cookies, pudding, pie, cakes, and everything in between, however, chocolate is not on the list of sweets I crave which always seems to freak people out. As I sat on my futon pondering what I should write about today, I looked over and saw the last few cupcakes on the tray that my sister baked earlier this week. There is something about a perfectly sized bit of fluffy goodness topped with delicious icing that makes me giddy. Sure cupcakes are something that have been around forever, but why are they so popular and trendy right now? We've loved these little slices of heaven for years but suddenly "omg I just looove cupcakes" is a common phrase. Truth is, with the chaos and sadness going on in the world right now we look to the little things that make us happy. So forget your worries for a few minutes and grab something sweet, enjoy.
c
I love cupcakes, cookies, pudding, pie, cakes, and everything in between, however, chocolate is not on the list of sweets I crave which always seems to freak people out. As I sat on my futon pondering what I should write about today, I looked over and saw the last few cupcakes on the tray that my sister baked earlier this week. There is something about a perfectly sized bit of fluffy goodness topped with delicious icing that makes me giddy. Sure cupcakes are something that have been around forever, but why are they so popular and trendy right now? We've loved these little slices of heaven for years but suddenly "omg I just looove cupcakes" is a common phrase. Truth is, with the chaos and sadness going on in the world right now we look to the little things that make us happy. So forget your worries for a few minutes and grab something sweet, enjoy.
c
Monday, June 22, 2009
zzZzzzZzz
i have become mentally strained the past few weeks but these past few days have been especially difficult for me...in a weird kind of way. i run around all the time i stay up late i wake up at weird times but lately i can't sleep at night when i am laying in bed because i feel like my brain can't turn off. then i spend all morning dragging and take a nap at random afternoon times and i think that is also what keeps me up at night. while i lay in bed i'm thinking about money (all the time now UGH), thinking about what i did that day, thinking about what i have to do the next day and if i have everything ready for the next day, but worst of all i think about what goes on with my clients. i love my work but i'm trying to learn how to not bring it home. i've gotten attached and tied up with the stories and situations they've shared with me and now i think about it while im laying in bed, trying to figure out what i need to do to help them, thinking about how i can be better....the list goes on and on
i have to learn how to worry about myself and my problems and try to leave theirs at the door because i am up late thinking about how they must feel and how badly i wish i could help. we talk about each client and any issues during supervision and seminar but it makes it hard sometimes because i can't talk about anything with anybody. Somehow just writing this makes me feel better and actually formulating words and sentences about how i feel so thanks for reading
hope you're having an amazing week
xo -c
i have to learn how to worry about myself and my problems and try to leave theirs at the door because i am up late thinking about how they must feel and how badly i wish i could help. we talk about each client and any issues during supervision and seminar but it makes it hard sometimes because i can't talk about anything with anybody. Somehow just writing this makes me feel better and actually formulating words and sentences about how i feel so thanks for reading
hope you're having an amazing week
xo -c
Sunday, June 14, 2009
ordinary.
today I've spent a good part of my time pondering the role I play in the world
it's something I think about every now and again, especially when making decisions of how I want to spend my life and when I motivate myself to work harder
but today was different...
I thought about how hard I've worked the past few years, hustling through college and busting my bum to get where I'm at today. So now I'm here, this is what I thought I've worked for knowing it would take me to the next step. Now that I'm here, I don't know exactly how I feel about it or what that "next step" is. I've thought about how badly I want to help the community I live in (wherever that may be) and help those in need. But then there's the business driven daddy's girl within me that loves the hustle, loves to network, and loves the challenge.
Potential careers I'd love to have include:
So what do I do?
my goals are in no way related to each other and there's only so much time we have in life
I've decided I'm going to do it all, somehow someway
It will take me a while, but I can't feel this way anymore
being ordinary and being sedentary are two different things
so I'm off to try a new cupcake recipe, get some research done, and study for next week's sessions...juggling is something I do everyday
xo
c
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
- Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail, favorite quote of all time
it's something I think about every now and again, especially when making decisions of how I want to spend my life and when I motivate myself to work harder
but today was different...
I thought about how hard I've worked the past few years, hustling through college and busting my bum to get where I'm at today. So now I'm here, this is what I thought I've worked for knowing it would take me to the next step. Now that I'm here, I don't know exactly how I feel about it or what that "next step" is. I've thought about how badly I want to help the community I live in (wherever that may be) and help those in need. But then there's the business driven daddy's girl within me that loves the hustle, loves to network, and loves the challenge.
Potential careers I'd love to have include:
- work in a counseling firm
- have my own practice
- establish a non profit organization for at-risk adolescents
- have my own bakery that pairs cupcakes with beer and wine
- have my own (separate) bakery that is frilly and serves cupcakes with tea
- open up a store like buffalo exchange but with baby clothes, they grow so fast!
- design and create my own accessories (dressing conservative for sessions gets old)
So what do I do?
my goals are in no way related to each other and there's only so much time we have in life
I've decided I'm going to do it all, somehow someway
It will take me a while, but I can't feel this way anymore
being ordinary and being sedentary are two different things
so I'm off to try a new cupcake recipe, get some research done, and study for next week's sessions...juggling is something I do everyday
xo
c
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
- Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail, favorite quote of all time
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
spring
Today is the 6th of May and while most spent the days nursing hangovers, I spent the day cramming and taking 2 finals back to back. woo! I survived my first year of grad school and I'm so happy to say I made it. I think I did terrible on one final, but there's no use worrying about it now. This year was more than just hitting the books and making the grade, it was moving out to a city and state where I knew....1 maybe 2 people. I live alone and that was a first and I joined a program a week before classes started. It's been a roller coaster to say the least.
Thank you to everybody who listened to me complain, sent me words of encouragement, and love letters.
In other news, my dear friend Jared woke up from his coma this afternoon! I am so happy that our prayers have been answered and I hope he recovers well and soon.
Along with all good, there comes some bad. Today I was thinking about spring and all the things that come along with it. (Yes, I realize it's May and summer is just around the corner) Things like birds chirping, flowers blooming, and best of all love is in the air. While I refuse to talk about anything toooo personal on this blog, I'd like to discuss the bad that comes along with the good - the heartache that comes along with love. I have more guy friends than girls, and lately my phone has been ringing off the hook with relationship advice and I wanted to step back and think about it for a while. Some starting new flings, others breaking up, and some just tired of looking.
The question I ask is, why do we do it? Why do we give everything we have to somebody we hardly know and can only hope we can trust. In the beginning, relationships are hopeful and pleasant then you move to trust them and let a little of yourself leak through. Depending on how that goes, you go on and on growing and giving. I know I'm not writing anything nobody's ever heard before, but you can always tell how a person feels about relationships depending on how far along they are with them. Somebody who's newly in love says they are awesome and give advice like "you'll find the right person" where people who just got dumped say "f-- love." The truth of the matter is, we love being in love or the idea of love anyway. People need interaction, connection, and companionship which is why it hurts so bad when we lose the person we thought we had that with.
Rather than run with my crazy theories of relationships, I'll save that for another day, I wanted to ponder over breakups. Everybody knows that pain. The hurt you feel when somebody says they've found somebody else to fill their heart, or their bedroom for that matter. What is one to do? How does one gain enough courage to try again? Why do we allow others to make us feel this way? I am not saying love or relationships are a waste of time, in fact I am quite the fan.
That scar left behind every broken relationship only builds thicker skin and a lesson is learned for the future. Along with that we become better people for the future relationships headed our way, more specifically what not to do.
My battery is dying and I refuse to read this over and try to make sense of my madness.
To all the broken hearts,
dust yourself off and get up you're going to be okay.
xo
c
Thank you to everybody who listened to me complain, sent me words of encouragement, and love letters.
In other news, my dear friend Jared woke up from his coma this afternoon! I am so happy that our prayers have been answered and I hope he recovers well and soon.
Along with all good, there comes some bad. Today I was thinking about spring and all the things that come along with it. (Yes, I realize it's May and summer is just around the corner) Things like birds chirping, flowers blooming, and best of all love is in the air. While I refuse to talk about anything toooo personal on this blog, I'd like to discuss the bad that comes along with the good - the heartache that comes along with love. I have more guy friends than girls, and lately my phone has been ringing off the hook with relationship advice and I wanted to step back and think about it for a while. Some starting new flings, others breaking up, and some just tired of looking.
The question I ask is, why do we do it? Why do we give everything we have to somebody we hardly know and can only hope we can trust. In the beginning, relationships are hopeful and pleasant then you move to trust them and let a little of yourself leak through. Depending on how that goes, you go on and on growing and giving. I know I'm not writing anything nobody's ever heard before, but you can always tell how a person feels about relationships depending on how far along they are with them. Somebody who's newly in love says they are awesome and give advice like "you'll find the right person" where people who just got dumped say "f-- love." The truth of the matter is, we love being in love or the idea of love anyway. People need interaction, connection, and companionship which is why it hurts so bad when we lose the person we thought we had that with.
Rather than run with my crazy theories of relationships, I'll save that for another day, I wanted to ponder over breakups. Everybody knows that pain. The hurt you feel when somebody says they've found somebody else to fill their heart, or their bedroom for that matter. What is one to do? How does one gain enough courage to try again? Why do we allow others to make us feel this way? I am not saying love or relationships are a waste of time, in fact I am quite the fan.
That scar left behind every broken relationship only builds thicker skin and a lesson is learned for the future. Along with that we become better people for the future relationships headed our way, more specifically what not to do.
My battery is dying and I refuse to read this over and try to make sense of my madness.
To all the broken hearts,
dust yourself off and get up you're going to be okay.
xo
c
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friends
So my poll -->
didn't do too hot but thanks for those who did participate
The few votes went against the study which didn't surprise me.
It's 11:30 on a Saturday night and I'm sitting in my pjs watching SNL because I really really really don't want to write my paper on psychological assessments, woo! Sounds exciting doesnt it?
My stomach is killin me right now and I have no idea why but I feel terrible, I'm headed to bed soon. I thought I could write on here but it's not lookin too good folks, I'm sorry.
I will say this, I have been on the phone a little bit more than usual this week just sending texts and calling friends I haven't heard from in a while and it's made me miss everybody so much more. If I didn't call you and you're reading this I'm sorry call me this week please. On the flipside, I'm also disappointed with a few friends lately. I'm not going to point anybody out or say that I'm this glorified super friend but it makes me sad that as we get older we lose sight of those who used to be so important in our lives. Iu moved to Arizona and left everybody I know and love in Texas and I think about them everyday bt there are times I think that maybe they've forgotten about me. This is a terribly pathetic post and before I sound like an emo pre-teen I want to reinforce that I know I haven't been the best friend either
but hey...I'm thinkin about ya
Goodnight,
c
Edit:
Good Lord is it just me or is everybody getting married and having babies?!
Where did time go? I want to worry about being picked to play on the playground again, this is insane. Congrats to everybody!
didn't do too hot but thanks for those who did participate
The few votes went against the study which didn't surprise me.
It's 11:30 on a Saturday night and I'm sitting in my pjs watching SNL because I really really really don't want to write my paper on psychological assessments, woo! Sounds exciting doesnt it?
My stomach is killin me right now and I have no idea why but I feel terrible, I'm headed to bed soon. I thought I could write on here but it's not lookin too good folks, I'm sorry.
I will say this, I have been on the phone a little bit more than usual this week just sending texts and calling friends I haven't heard from in a while and it's made me miss everybody so much more. If I didn't call you and you're reading this I'm sorry call me this week please. On the flipside, I'm also disappointed with a few friends lately. I'm not going to point anybody out or say that I'm this glorified super friend but it makes me sad that as we get older we lose sight of those who used to be so important in our lives. Iu moved to Arizona and left everybody I know and love in Texas and I think about them everyday bt there are times I think that maybe they've forgotten about me. This is a terribly pathetic post and before I sound like an emo pre-teen I want to reinforce that I know I haven't been the best friend either
but hey...I'm thinkin about ya
Goodnight,
c
Edit:
Good Lord is it just me or is everybody getting married and having babies?!
Where did time go? I want to worry about being picked to play on the playground again, this is insane. Congrats to everybody!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sex vs Video Games
Last night I wrote a terribly lame post and said today I would write something worthwhile, my apologies, but after watching diggnation the little scientist within me is curious.
There is a story that says a study shows that 72% of British men would choose video games over sex with their long time girlfriends.
Here's the study: http://www.pocket-lint.com/news/news.phtml/23352/24376/72percent-prefer-gaming-to-girlfriends.phtml
Here's the show: http://revision3.com/diggnation/diggnation---episode-198/
After reading the story online Alex and Kevin discuss the topic and agree! Along with the rest of the crew of the show and I am terribly curious, is this true? Now I love research especially social sciences research (psych nerd, hello) but the article doesn't give numbers or thoroughly explain the study. Which leads me to my question, would men really choose video games over sex? Perhaps this study was limited to a small population and would therefore create a bias. The guys at diggnation are tech and game guys so that one was pretty predictable, but what about the average joe? This lame attempt to collect information is more for entertainment than science but I hope I get guys to vote on the poll I've created so please pass this along. Thanks!
xo -c
There is a story that says a study shows that 72% of British men would choose video games over sex with their long time girlfriends.
Here's the study: http://www.pocket-lint.com/news/news.phtml/23352/24376/72percent-prefer-gaming-to-girlfriends.phtml
Here's the show: http://revision3.com/diggnation/diggnation---episode-198/
After reading the story online Alex and Kevin discuss the topic and agree! Along with the rest of the crew of the show and I am terribly curious, is this true? Now I love research especially social sciences research (psych nerd, hello) but the article doesn't give numbers or thoroughly explain the study. Which leads me to my question, would men really choose video games over sex? Perhaps this study was limited to a small population and would therefore create a bias. The guys at diggnation are tech and game guys so that one was pretty predictable, but what about the average joe? This lame attempt to collect information is more for entertainment than science but I hope I get guys to vote on the poll I've created so please pass this along. Thanks!
xo -c
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Marley & Me
Tonight was just like any other Monday night.
Gossip Girl (hey, don't knock it till you try it), dinner, and painting my nails
My brother and his friend Benny came over and I tried a new recipe! Kung Pao chicken, fried rice, and plain steamed rice. I would have liked it to been spicier but I'm sure my stomach appreciated the mild spice. Check it out http://twitpic.com/2xvd0 Thanks mom & dad for the wok (:
On my way home from droppin off the boys I rented Marley & Me because I had a free rental and to be honest there was nothing else at the RedBox. I didn't think I'd like it but I ended up loving it and even crying at the end! I won't give specifics but I do reccomend it, especially as a date movie. It just got me thinking about my life and the direction, or lack there of, that it's going in. I also watched my 2nd favorite movie of all time, You've Got Mail but I can write a book about how my life and that movie intertwine. I'm at the stage in my life where nothing is really making sense, I'm holding on and hoping for the best. It's weird becaue I know I complain about this ridiculous rollercoaster my life is on right now and all the turns I've taken in just the past year, but this movie (believe it or not) has got me thinking that maybe this ride isn't so bad. I have the rest of my life to stand still and know exactly what my next move is, but for now I like waking up in the morning and the most difficult task on my to-do list is to try and get to the gym. I am accumulating an emmense amout of debt, I have no idea where I'm going to live next year, I don't know where I'll live/work the year after that, I'm working on a degree that I can only pray makes me happy with my work, and I hope I have enough money to pay tution this summer.
Strange. I'm listening to Idiosympathy and the lyric "getting older is not the same as growing up" was just sung, how perfectly put.
Getting back to the point, today I had my mini prac where I saw my classmate as a client and it felt so good walking out of the session knowing this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have the rest of my life to pay back the debt it's not going anywhere, I can enjoy moving another 5 more times because one day I'll live in a house for the rest of my life, I can figure out where I work/live when I find a place that makes me happiest, and tution can always be paid with more loans. I'm sure I'll have to go back to this post one day when I'm scrambling to get my life together but for now I've got my life & me.
Thanks for reading
xo
c
Gossip Girl (hey, don't knock it till you try it), dinner, and painting my nails
My brother and his friend Benny came over and I tried a new recipe! Kung Pao chicken, fried rice, and plain steamed rice. I would have liked it to been spicier but I'm sure my stomach appreciated the mild spice. Check it out http://twitpic.com/2xvd0 Thanks mom & dad for the wok (:
On my way home from droppin off the boys I rented Marley & Me because I had a free rental and to be honest there was nothing else at the RedBox. I didn't think I'd like it but I ended up loving it and even crying at the end! I won't give specifics but I do reccomend it, especially as a date movie. It just got me thinking about my life and the direction, or lack there of, that it's going in. I also watched my 2nd favorite movie of all time, You've Got Mail but I can write a book about how my life and that movie intertwine. I'm at the stage in my life where nothing is really making sense, I'm holding on and hoping for the best. It's weird becaue I know I complain about this ridiculous rollercoaster my life is on right now and all the turns I've taken in just the past year, but this movie (believe it or not) has got me thinking that maybe this ride isn't so bad. I have the rest of my life to stand still and know exactly what my next move is, but for now I like waking up in the morning and the most difficult task on my to-do list is to try and get to the gym. I am accumulating an emmense amout of debt, I have no idea where I'm going to live next year, I don't know where I'll live/work the year after that, I'm working on a degree that I can only pray makes me happy with my work, and I hope I have enough money to pay tution this summer.
But I'm happy.
It's weird how this sappy love story got me thinking about all of this but you hear it time and time again "where did time go?"Strange. I'm listening to Idiosympathy and the lyric "getting older is not the same as growing up" was just sung, how perfectly put.
Getting back to the point, today I had my mini prac where I saw my classmate as a client and it felt so good walking out of the session knowing this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have the rest of my life to pay back the debt it's not going anywhere, I can enjoy moving another 5 more times because one day I'll live in a house for the rest of my life, I can figure out where I work/live when I find a place that makes me happiest, and tution can always be paid with more loans. I'm sure I'll have to go back to this post one day when I'm scrambling to get my life together but for now I've got my life & me.
Thanks for reading
xo
c
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