spring

Today is the 6th of May and while most spent the days nursing hangovers, I spent the day cramming and taking 2 finals back to back. woo! I survived my first year of grad school and I'm so happy to say I made it. I think I did terrible on one final, but there's no use worrying about it now. This year was more than just hitting the books and making the grade, it was moving out to a city and state where I knew....1 maybe 2 people. I live alone and that was a first and I joined a program a week before classes started. It's been a roller coaster to say the least.
Thank you to everybody who listened to me complain, sent me words of encouragement, and love letters.

In other news, my dear friend Jared woke up from his coma this afternoon! I am so happy that our prayers have been answered and I hope he recovers well and soon.

Along with all good, there comes some bad. Today I was thinking about spring and all the things that come along with it. (Yes, I realize it's May and summer is just around the corner) Things like birds chirping, flowers blooming, and best of all love is in the air. While I refuse to talk about anything toooo personal on this blog, I'd like to discuss the bad that comes along with the good - the heartache that comes along with love. I have more guy friends than girls, and lately my phone has been ringing off the hook with relationship advice and I wanted to step back and think about it for a while. Some starting new flings, others breaking up, and some just tired of looking.

The question I ask is, why do we do it? Why do we give everything we have to somebody we hardly know and can only hope we can trust. In the beginning, relationships are hopeful and pleasant then you move to trust them and let a little of yourself leak through. Depending on how that goes, you go on and on growing and giving. I know I'm not writing anything nobody's ever heard before, but you can always tell how a person feels about relationships depending on how far along they are with them. Somebody who's newly in love says they are awesome and give advice like "you'll find the right person" where people who just got dumped say "f-- love." The truth of the matter is, we love being in love or the idea of love anyway. People need interaction, connection, and companionship which is why it hurts so bad when we lose the person we thought we had that with.

Rather than run with my crazy theories of relationships, I'll save that for another day, I wanted to ponder over breakups. Everybody knows that pain. The hurt you feel when somebody says they've found somebody else to fill their heart, or their bedroom for that matter. What is one to do? How does one gain enough courage to try again? Why do we allow others to make us feel this way? I am not saying love or relationships are a waste of time, in fact I am quite the fan.
That scar left behind every broken relationship only builds thicker skin and a lesson is learned for the future. Along with that we become better people for the future relationships headed our way, more specifically what not to do.

My battery is dying and I refuse to read this over and try to make sense of my madness.
To all the broken hearts,
dust yourself off and get up you're going to be okay.
xo
c