i hate goodbyes.

I have tried to write this at least a dozen times and failed each time.

When I moved to Arizona I first felt like a farm kid in the big city. The transition from Lubbock, Texas to Tempe, Arizona was life changing. I was so excited about graduate school that I didn't prepare for the fact that I was leaving my closest friends and moving to a big city where I didn't know anyone. The first year was tough but after two wonderfully difficult years here I have fallen in love with the city and the people I have found. To list you all would be impossible and I know if you're reading this and you live in Arizona, chances are you're someone I will miss terribly.

I'm actually crying as a write this because I am overwhelmed with emotions (yes, I am a cry baby).
I have decided to move back home. August 9th is the date I have set to drive home into the west Texas town of El Paso. I'd like to spend some time with my sister Becca before she moves to college and I feel like it's time to go. I have no rhyme or reason, no actual job lined up yet, and no final plans set. I know in my heart that I need to be with my family now and pursue some potential careers in El Paso so that I can pay off these God awful student loans.

Arizona friends, you all have become my family away from home. I will miss you all terribly and I thank you all the the amazing memories. Friends all over, I love you and I thank you for being so wonderful over the years. The truth of the matter is, I'll be moving physically but a piece of my heart will remain here.

[insert cheesy link to a song that describes how you feel here]

best,
c

something bigger than me.

Yes, I know I never write on here. My apologies.
I have ZERO free time until May 13th, then I'll be unleashed from the prison I call grad school.
As I'm closing out some of my clients, turning in the final papers, and saying my goodbyes I have decided to stay in Phoenix for the summer....then who knows.

I love this city and the energy here, but let me be frank, when I moved here I absolutely hated it.
After meeting some amazing people and learning more than I could have possibly imagined, I can finally breathe.
I would return back to Texas any chance I got my first year here and regret not spending more time exploring. This summer I'd like to hang out, spend more time with the people I have become attached to, meet more people, enjoy the city, and explore.

But that's not enough.
I feel like I have made some impressions here and there though my work but I'm still not satisfied. I want to be a part of something that is bigger than me. Not necessarily something colossal but something worth putting my name on. I'm not sure what it is or what I want to do but I'd like to leave Phoenix knowing I did something  while I was here. I don't care if its start something from scratch or help with an existing project, I just want to help.

Any ideas?

new month

Yeah yeah yeah it's been a month since I've last posted
it happens

I'll catch you up to speed...tomorrow

happy march 1st!

-c

celeste is a broke grad student.

If you know me you know that i am:
1. a poor graduate student
2. i love cupcakes
and
3. i hate valentimes day (yes i say it like that, get over it)

*light bulb*

Why don't i help out my friends by having a glorified bake sale? Aha! i am a genius.
If you need a tasty, personalized, and inexpensive valentimes day gift...I'm your gal. Wait, er, I'm not your gal as in  your date i mean i can bake you a present for your date.
Name your flavor, decoration,  or if you need help i can walk you through it.

6 cupcakes for fifteen bucks
(i'll throw in an extra one so you can taste em before you hand them off if you want)
celeste [dot] summer [at] gmail [dot] com

xoxo
c

clean up.clean up. everybody everywhere.

I wish I could type as fast as I think but the truth is, I cant.
At this point I feel so overwhelmed with everything I can't sort out my thoughts.
Which means, I can't put them down on paper...er...type them online.
So I'll be taking this weekend to do a serious clean up.

I've always said "a cluttered room is a cluttered mind" which is why I cant sleep if I feel I'm in a crowded space. So I've taken that philosophy and applied it to where I'm at.
A cluttered apartment is a cluttered life.
(yes it sounds dramatic and a bit out there)

I'm going to dedicate this weekend to cleaning up my apartment and sorting through the boxes I have stored so that I can clear it out, clear my mind, and organize my thoughts in order to move forward in life.
Again, this all sounds dramatic but it's how I feel.

Thanks for reading
xoxo
c

Quarter Life Crises - part 1

I wish I had a dollar for every post I've started but deleted half way through it. I'm sure I'd be close to paying off my student loans. But anyhow...welcome back fellow readers I hope you had a lovely holiday. During my holiday I had too much time and nothing to do, which can only lead to one thing, thinking too much. In my line of work I am trained to analyze, pay attention to detail, and interpret. When I am left to do this alone for too long I can develop some very interesting theories.

These next few posts will be a series of the "Quarter Life Crises" by yours truly. The reason being is while I was in my home town of El Paso, Texas I realized a number of things. One of them being that I have been forgotten by a number of "friends". Don't be mistaken, these people were friends of mine but over the years we've drifted apart and gone our separate ways. Some I've known for what feels like a lifetime and others just a few years. I'm not thinking of one person or one particular group of people, this is all generally speaking. No dramatic event took place or war over some silly scandal, we simply grew up and grew apart.

The strange thing is watching it all happen. Seeing people continue to gather and talk about the same things we did when we were younger but feeling like I'm on the outside watching a movie in a language I no longer understand. What happened? Where did I turn?

Truth is I look back at a lot of things and remember how uncomfortable I was and how unsure I felt.
It's taken me the last year and a half, but I finally feel like I am okay in my own skin.
I'm okay with being the girl that wants to study every subject, that likes to yell when I get excited about something, that enjoys cheap beer and good conversation, who loves old films and curses like a sailor from time to time. I'm okay with dressing differently, laughing at my own jokes, my strange sense of humour, over-sharing my crazy thoughts on life, and dancing like I know what I'm doing.
It's just too bad those people don't know the person I'm becoming and have no interest in finding out. I know I'd love to find who they've become.
Being forgotten isn't so bad I suppose, I guess I'd rather be forgotten for the person I was then be notorious for a person I am not.

goodnight world
xoxo
c

new year fail.

My resolutions are already failtures

• start carrying a purse ( I think its about time) --- i cant do it i hate purses and my wallet of 6 years broke
• re-learn spanish --- eh kinda
• get in touch with old friends --- keep in touch with real friends, ditch fake ones 
• i'll post a WHOLE blog about this later
• national food day challenge (I need a name for this project...help!) 
• http://www.tfdutch.com/foodh.htm
  
• whatevs...this site looks dodgy and i couldnt find a better one 

Eff it. 


xo 
c

resolutions

Happy New Year!

let me begin by saying I hate New Years Eve, it's official. However, New Years day is a whole other story.

Here are my 2010 resolutions:

• start carrying a purse ( I think its about time) 
• re-learn spanish
• get in touch with old friends
• national food day challenge (I need a name for this project...help!) 
• http://www.tfdutch.com/foodh.htm
  

The last one is close to my heart because it will take a whole year of commitment and I'm really excited about this project. I start today, Bloody Mary (ew) and Apple Gifting Day, but I want to start a blog and a twitter for this project. The bigger, the better, the more I'll have to commit to eating these crazy things.

I'd love to hear some ideas for this silly project of mine

I am terribly excited

Best for 2010,

c 

may 25

if you dont know already...thats my birthday (:
part of my "project winks" involves wine
aaannnddd according to this website http://www.tfdutch.com/foodh.htm
my birthday is national wine day!
perfecto!

xo
c

julie & julia

i just watched that adorable film and it makes me want to pursue so many of my dreams
whats holding me back?
answers anyone?

grey day

its chilly outside
the clouds have filled the sky
and i am stuck inside listening to ridiculous banter

i want to put on my yellow rain boots
and hop in the puddles
come back inside to grilled cheese and soup

i cant help but reflect and remember
days like this when i was a kid

i hope you're having a lovely day

my age.

want to piss me off?
bring up my age and how in 22 years there's no way i've learned a damn thing.
this post will be angy, things will be misspelled, and yes i'm ranting....so if you're an english teacher you can stop reading now.

in my program, in my work, and in the classroom i am always being discriminated against for my age.
i graduated high school at 17 because my birthday was the day after.
i graduated from college at 20 because i hustled through in 3 years.
i am now 22 and will graduate with an MC degree (masters of counseling).

First let me say that i know that i am young and i know that i have a LOT to learn, but that doesn't mean i don't know what i'm talking about. elderly people are the wisest people we have in this world which is why i love and respect them. i go out of my way to learn from my grandparents,  family members, friends, community members, and professors (young and old) .

i wouldn't be where i'm at today if if was a dumb shit. i didn't work this hard to get where i am at so that 30-40 year olds can sit there and tell me "oh its because you're young" "thats cute" "you don't know much" "how would you know sweetie, you're so young" every single day. i worked this hard because i LOVE what i do. counseling people and improving people's mental health is my passion and THAT is why i rushed through to get here, so that i could make a difference as soon as possible.

Wisdom does come with age, its unfortunate that manners don't.
i am the "token slacker" in class because people assume i didnt do my homework, or didn't do the reading, or have nothing to say because i was too busy partying all weekend.
well let me just say, i stay in most weekends and study not so i can have something to say in class (and kiss ass) but so that i can learn. However, if i do want to go out and wear an outfit you wish you could still wear...it's none of your damn business.

close your mouth
open your ears
and listen to what i have to say.

going on holiday

howdy ya'll

i'm headed back to texas tomorrow night 

hope everybody has a lovely holiday 

happy turkey day folks! 

xo

c

passion

Passion can be defined in a number of ways and rather than copy and paste the definition to take up space (and look like I actually wrote something) I'll give you my 2 cents.

Passion is what makes you tick.
Passion is the reason you get out of bed in the morning.
Passion is why you get excited to get your day started.

When we were younger we wanted to be firefighters, superheros, or Cindy Crawford (don't judge me) and at some point we stopped. We continued with school and learned that we have a slim chance of becoming the next Micheal Jordan and settled for being an accountant.
Why? At what point did we say, that's not going to happen I better figure something else out?

For me, I realized that I am not tiny, super tall, and have no desire to hit the gym everyday to look flawless.
I love what I do, but is that settling or compromising?
I don't think so...BUT I feel like there is so much more I want to do with my life.
Counseling is my passion.
It's what makes me drive an hour in traffic to an internship site I hate going to.
My clients progress is what makes me get out of bed everyday.
So why am I doubting myself?
I graduate in may 2010 with my MC degree and should be looking for jobs and getting ready to move on with my life. But something is missing, there's an itch i need to scratch.

I come from a family of entrepreneurs and I'm finding more and more that I have this strong desire to follow in their footsteps and create a business of my own. My last post mentioned my idea of WINKS and while I'm not ready to discuss it on here now it's on my mind all day everyday. What kind lighting do I want? Where should i set up shop? etc, etc, etc.

so....what do i do? where do i go? when do i start?
I'm still sorting this all out, I'll be writing everyday to figure it out.

Thanks for reading,
c

abitious little bugger

i have a new business idea that i am extremely excited about

i'm calling it winks

that's all i'm going to say about it....for now

xo
c

great song

Sometimes
I think of what my mother told me
To come home if I feel lonely
I feel lonely now

Maybe
I should pack up all my belongings
Head out west and take it easy
Take it easy, easy

Sometimes
I forget what I’ve been given
I confuse the past and present
I think that it’s a dream

This time
I think that is where we differ
That were more than what we should have been
Should have been more clear
Should have been before
Should have been before

Sometimes
I think of what my mother told me
To come home if I feel lonely
And I feel now

 

Song by Idiosympathy

<3

Love is...

Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection^[1] and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my boyfriend"). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love^[2] to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.^[3] Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in thecreative arts. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

"Love is friendship set on fire." - unknown

"Loves makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

What is love to you?
c

my.life.in.bullet.format.

• monday - substance abuse midterm 
• tuesday - work at internship 
• wednesday - woke up super late for work and rachcakes came in town 
• thursday - work, chino bandido (amazing), class, dinner w rachcakes
• friday - work at internship and oh my goodness its insane, rachel and i stayed in like dorks
• saturday - halloweenie night! rachTORNADO and celPEACOCK rocked it on mill 
• sunday - rachel left ): and now i'm studying for my MC comprehensive exam...its tomorrow! 

wish me luck

c

PHXDW

This video was the opening to the conference and I had to post it.
Brilliant.


Phoenix Design Week 2009 Opening Titles from Phoenix Design Week on Vimeo.

where i was this weekend....in case you were wondering

I was at PHXDW all thanks to Forty 

To be short, it was absolutely amazing. I am not a designer nor do I have anything to do with design but i loved soaking in all the information and learning so many new things.

I met some wonderful people and had some great conversations.

The truth of the matter is, design is all around us. Amazing.