i hate goodbyes.

I have tried to write this at least a dozen times and failed each time.

When I moved to Arizona I first felt like a farm kid in the big city. The transition from Lubbock, Texas to Tempe, Arizona was life changing. I was so excited about graduate school that I didn't prepare for the fact that I was leaving my closest friends and moving to a big city where I didn't know anyone. The first year was tough but after two wonderfully difficult years here I have fallen in love with the city and the people I have found. To list you all would be impossible and I know if you're reading this and you live in Arizona, chances are you're someone I will miss terribly.

I'm actually crying as a write this because I am overwhelmed with emotions (yes, I am a cry baby).
I have decided to move back home. August 9th is the date I have set to drive home into the west Texas town of El Paso. I'd like to spend some time with my sister Becca before she moves to college and I feel like it's time to go. I have no rhyme or reason, no actual job lined up yet, and no final plans set. I know in my heart that I need to be with my family now and pursue some potential careers in El Paso so that I can pay off these God awful student loans.

Arizona friends, you all have become my family away from home. I will miss you all terribly and I thank you all the the amazing memories. Friends all over, I love you and I thank you for being so wonderful over the years. The truth of the matter is, I'll be moving physically but a piece of my heart will remain here.

[insert cheesy link to a song that describes how you feel here]

best,
c

something bigger than me.

Yes, I know I never write on here. My apologies.
I have ZERO free time until May 13th, then I'll be unleashed from the prison I call grad school.
As I'm closing out some of my clients, turning in the final papers, and saying my goodbyes I have decided to stay in Phoenix for the summer....then who knows.

I love this city and the energy here, but let me be frank, when I moved here I absolutely hated it.
After meeting some amazing people and learning more than I could have possibly imagined, I can finally breathe.
I would return back to Texas any chance I got my first year here and regret not spending more time exploring. This summer I'd like to hang out, spend more time with the people I have become attached to, meet more people, enjoy the city, and explore.

But that's not enough.
I feel like I have made some impressions here and there though my work but I'm still not satisfied. I want to be a part of something that is bigger than me. Not necessarily something colossal but something worth putting my name on. I'm not sure what it is or what I want to do but I'd like to leave Phoenix knowing I did something  while I was here. I don't care if its start something from scratch or help with an existing project, I just want to help.

Any ideas?

new month

Yeah yeah yeah it's been a month since I've last posted
it happens

I'll catch you up to speed...tomorrow

happy march 1st!

-c

celeste is a broke grad student.

If you know me you know that i am:
1. a poor graduate student
2. i love cupcakes
and
3. i hate valentimes day (yes i say it like that, get over it)

*light bulb*

Why don't i help out my friends by having a glorified bake sale? Aha! i am a genius.
If you need a tasty, personalized, and inexpensive valentimes day gift...I'm your gal. Wait, er, I'm not your gal as in  your date i mean i can bake you a present for your date.
Name your flavor, decoration,  or if you need help i can walk you through it.

6 cupcakes for fifteen bucks
(i'll throw in an extra one so you can taste em before you hand them off if you want)
celeste [dot] summer [at] gmail [dot] com

xoxo
c

clean up.clean up. everybody everywhere.

I wish I could type as fast as I think but the truth is, I cant.
At this point I feel so overwhelmed with everything I can't sort out my thoughts.
Which means, I can't put them down on paper...er...type them online.
So I'll be taking this weekend to do a serious clean up.

I've always said "a cluttered room is a cluttered mind" which is why I cant sleep if I feel I'm in a crowded space. So I've taken that philosophy and applied it to where I'm at.
A cluttered apartment is a cluttered life.
(yes it sounds dramatic and a bit out there)

I'm going to dedicate this weekend to cleaning up my apartment and sorting through the boxes I have stored so that I can clear it out, clear my mind, and organize my thoughts in order to move forward in life.
Again, this all sounds dramatic but it's how I feel.

Thanks for reading
xoxo
c

Quarter Life Crises - part 1

I wish I had a dollar for every post I've started but deleted half way through it. I'm sure I'd be close to paying off my student loans. But anyhow...welcome back fellow readers I hope you had a lovely holiday. During my holiday I had too much time and nothing to do, which can only lead to one thing, thinking too much. In my line of work I am trained to analyze, pay attention to detail, and interpret. When I am left to do this alone for too long I can develop some very interesting theories.

These next few posts will be a series of the "Quarter Life Crises" by yours truly. The reason being is while I was in my home town of El Paso, Texas I realized a number of things. One of them being that I have been forgotten by a number of "friends". Don't be mistaken, these people were friends of mine but over the years we've drifted apart and gone our separate ways. Some I've known for what feels like a lifetime and others just a few years. I'm not thinking of one person or one particular group of people, this is all generally speaking. No dramatic event took place or war over some silly scandal, we simply grew up and grew apart.

The strange thing is watching it all happen. Seeing people continue to gather and talk about the same things we did when we were younger but feeling like I'm on the outside watching a movie in a language I no longer understand. What happened? Where did I turn?

Truth is I look back at a lot of things and remember how uncomfortable I was and how unsure I felt.
It's taken me the last year and a half, but I finally feel like I am okay in my own skin.
I'm okay with being the girl that wants to study every subject, that likes to yell when I get excited about something, that enjoys cheap beer and good conversation, who loves old films and curses like a sailor from time to time. I'm okay with dressing differently, laughing at my own jokes, my strange sense of humour, over-sharing my crazy thoughts on life, and dancing like I know what I'm doing.
It's just too bad those people don't know the person I'm becoming and have no interest in finding out. I know I'd love to find who they've become.
Being forgotten isn't so bad I suppose, I guess I'd rather be forgotten for the person I was then be notorious for a person I am not.

goodnight world
xoxo
c

new year fail.

My resolutions are already failtures

• start carrying a purse ( I think its about time) --- i cant do it i hate purses and my wallet of 6 years broke
• re-learn spanish --- eh kinda
• get in touch with old friends --- keep in touch with real friends, ditch fake ones 
• i'll post a WHOLE blog about this later
• national food day challenge (I need a name for this project...help!) 
• http://www.tfdutch.com/foodh.htm
  
• whatevs...this site looks dodgy and i couldnt find a better one 

Eff it. 


xo 
c